TAKE 2

As i said in one of my earlier posts i have a tendency to fall off the wagon.  Well once again it has happened.  I am so weak.  I just cant to this on my own.  I definitely need some help.  A sponsor as it were.  Any volunteers.  I need to be held accountable.  I looked at a pic taken of me last night and i cried inside.  I looked awful.  I was so ashamed of myself.  Im so tired of being dependent on medications to be somewhat healthy.  My problem is i have a food addiction i was chatting with someone this morning and i said it out loud.  Im addicted to food.  Its my feel good.  I see food and i eat regardless if I'm hungry or not, and i will eat if I'm hungry or not.  I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and my go to, my confidant is food.  It makes me feel good.  Makes me feel better.  I am an insulin dependent diabetic and i need for my health to get rid of this weight and become a more healthy eater or my life will end sooner than i want it to.  this is something i really want to do and i start out with gang busters but after awhile i get tired of logging everything i eat, and exercise, every calorie that enters my mouth etc.  I know its what i have to do but alas i am weak.  So I'm asking for someone's help anyone who would like to help me out.  My plans are as before to blog daily just to talk it out and hopefully to someone that will listen and offer the support I need.  Well that is enough for today.  

Finally Friday

Well I'll  tell ya i'd be lying if i didn't say that I'm glad this week has come to an end.  Not that i have any major plans just ready for the weekend.  I have done great with staying within my calorie count.  I have noticed that i haven't quite been meeting my total exercise goal.  I have been walking 30 minutes a day every day, but that makes me fall a little short, so I'm gonna have to increase my routine.  Tonight   was a weak night for me i was really craving some of my favorite things like fried chicken i looked them up in the data base and about died when i saw the nutritional information so i was strong and didn't have it.  I did almost say the heck with it and eat it.  Yes today was a  hard day people all around me were eating things i wanted to eat, things that would taste so good but be ohhhh so bad.  So there were many tests put out their today and i feel pretty good about passing them, another day down and a new one ahead.  Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the lighter side.

Slacker

Okay so i am a slacker.  Its been a few days since i posted and I'm ashamed, but i figured after the rant i went on i needed to take a step back and take a look.  Yes i was very disappointed but it  time to use that disappointment to my advantage.  I am happy to report that i did  jump that hurdle and have not thrown in the towel.  I am moving on.  This is gonna take time i realize that.  I am doing  some things to help move me in the right direction.  I'm increasing my water intake.  I'm purchasing some kettle weight so i can add resistance training to my exercise program, and increasing my walking to an hour daily.  There is one thing that I am having a problem with and that is the feeling of being hungry between meals.  I am eating my meals and a snack between and i still get hungry.  Hoping the increased water will help with that but who knows.   Overall i do feel better,  I am sleeping better and waking up more refreshed which is  nice.  I go see the doctor on the 21 I'm not very excited about this.  My blood sugars haven't been what they should be or where id like them to be  yet.  This may be due to the change in medications don't really know.  This will definitely be discussed.  I'm also considering asking him to refer  me back to Dr. H.  to handle my diabetes.  I did really great when i was with her the last time and I think this is the direction i need to go.  Well weigh in is a few days away so hopefully i will have something good to report.  Thanks for reading and I'll see you on the lighter side.

UGH!!!!!

OK I was feeling pretty good  about this week. I worked really hard at watching what i ate, getting started with the exercise etc.  Well today was weight in day and I was fully expecting to be at least 1 pound lighter.  Yea right i was 2 pounds heavier and here comes the black cloud.   I know first week, weight fluctuates etc etc etc I have heard all those plausible reasons but it still doesn't make the disappointment go away.  Personal hurdle #1.  No or negative results.  This is one i really have trouble with.  I am a result oriented person and when i don't get results even small ones i tend to get discouraged and give up.  I mean really i would have been satisfied with an ounce or two.  I start asking myself OK why am i doing this and for what reason, if  I'm gonna work this hard where are the benefits.  I know its early in the game and I know this is gonna be one of the hardest if no the hardest thing I've ever done, but come on could ya give me one measly pound especially this first week.  Ya know to kinda fuel the fire and desire to do more and better.  As i approach this hurdle today i ask myself are ya gonna jump it or are ya gonna trip and fall on it. Who knows all i know is right now i would love to jump in a huge stack of eggs and bacon and the works to make me feel better.  Have ya ever wondered if what you were  going through was a big dream and any moment u would wake up and you were actually thin and in shape and gorgeous well I'm ready to wake up I'm tired of this nightmare.  And no I'm not gonna quit, I'm not gonna give up just a little discouraged.  This is my " This is it"moment and I'm not gonna let go.  Keep oh Keeping on etc etc etc.  Thanks for listening

YAY!!!!!!! I did it

Okay yesterday was a good day.  I met my goals.  I stayed with in the limits of my calories, carbs and fats.  I have joined the myfitnesspal program and it has made keeping track of all that stuff so much easier it is awesome.  Thanks P for that information.  One thing i have noticed is that between meals i feel like I'm starving which is gonna make things tough.  Not quite sure what to do about that, maybe more water or more fiber to fill me up  longer  looking for suggestions on that.  I felt really good about making my goals. One of the things i plan to address in future blogs are hurdles or road blocks to my weight loss.  Lord knows i have plenty of them.   Well I'm heading out the door for my daily exercise, gonna go and do some Mall walking  LOL.

Friends to the Rescue

Thank you!!!!!! some readers have come through with some great information and assistance.  Offering information and assistance with helpful hints on how to cook healthy and on a budget that were awesome, where to go to get information to help with healthy eating, information on tool and free websites to provide assistance, motivation stories and an accountability buddy.  I was truly moved.  It means so  much to me that there are people out there reading and willing to help me out.  Thanks a thousand time thanks.  I plan to use all the offered assistance.  I did a little better today I was still over my goals on calories, fats and carbs but was a lot closer.  Just getting into the groove.  I may have to increase my calorie intake a little, because i feel hungry at times and may not be getting enough.  I will ask  my doctor for his suggestions.  I am investigating a workout program that would be easy to do and can be done without the use of a  gym.  My membership runs out in February and if  my company doesn't get a corporate membership i will be on my own.  I bought a pedometer to begin my walking program.  The plan for that is to walk on each of my 15  minute breaks at work and at lunch.  During the winter months i will become one of those Mall Walkers.  LOL  Thanks so much for all your support and kindness and keep reading

UGH!!!!!

Okay I'm already slacking off.  Getting into the habit of doing something new is always difficult for me.  I will say that i am doing good with keeping the food diary just trying to find the right tool that works for me has been a little tricky.  I have always hated counting calories it can become such a bother.  I just need to get into the groove.  I'm fighting not stepping on the scale.  I told myself that i would only do it once a week so i don't get discouraged.   That happens to me so often and then i give up.  I really don't want to do that this time.  I need to start focusing on my exercise.  My membership to the Y is about to run out and financially i wont be able to renew so i will have to come up with other ways to get that done.  I have a treadmill and elliptical at home but no real place to put them  have to really put some thought into that one.  I may have to become a mall walker until the weather gets warmer.  Any suggestions would be great.  I hear and see all these stories about people who do this and are successful and i so want to be one of those people.  When my sweetie says i'm sexy i want to feel that and right now I don't.  I wold also appreciate any suggestions on how to cook healthy meals on a budget I am having some difficulty with that.  I  didn't do well with my goals today was over on everything calories, fats and carbs gonna really have to watch that.  OH well tomorrow is another day.  One day at a time!!!!!!!!